12.20.15
Gemini version available ♊︎EPO Management Discovers Media is Against It
Summary: Downfall of the EPO’s management in the form of a video
THE EPO tackled with an epic “Downfall“. I made this in a rush, so there are some mistakes in the video, some of which corrected in the transcript beneath (in bold fonts). I could re-render with the corrections, but it would take nearly half an hour.
Transcript:
Journalists are stating to write about our illegitimate activities
It has spread from Dutch and German newspapers to French and English ones
We estimate that it’s just a matter of time before we’re widely viewed as the Pariah of Europe
And it won’t be long before officers come to raid our HQ in Munich
Tell FTI Consulting and Control Risks to get this under control
Sir
Sun King
They couldn’t find any legitimate dirt on Els Hardon
They even tried calling her “sniper” but the public isn’t buying it
I thought we had enough scapegoats in that judge, Hardon, Weaver, and Brumme
We’re losing to that “Mafia”
I thought you told the media there was an armed Nazi
Why did you not obey my order to force the board to sack that bloody judge?
Now my own job is at risk
They told me Control Risks has Stasi contacts in Desa
And that they could sniff out the sources to all these bloggers with the I.U.
My goons are just a bunch of incompetent people incapable of understanding the Streisand Effect
Signing that Control Risks contract was the I.U.‘s idea
Now look at all those articles about my horrible track record, I’d never get a job again
How do you think we feel about our own prospects?
Those Control Risks scum are a disgrace and a waste of money
Can’t even do an investigation right
I told them we have no dough on the accused, they need to make shit up
Might as well claim that SUEPO is a violent union with knives and forks
All I wanted was my precious Unitary Patent Court for major applicants
But the European public just keeps finding out I’m totally out of my mind
Now I know what Napoleon felt like when he invaded Russia
Instead of viewing me as an heroic President my staff now compares me to Stalin
I never even got a Ph.D. like they did
All I have is some French diploma of a wannabe
But I tried to offer them a corporate occupation of Europe
Amateurs!
Nobody loves me and nobody ever respected me all along
The German people all along knew that I was up to no good
But I still have a plan B
I will cut their pay for each day they protest
I’ll drown in my own blood before they force me to obey German law
Elodie, it’ll be alright
I don’t even know if the Unitary Patent will ever happen
Given all these scandals, nobody will believe a word that I say
Might as well call off the FTI Consulting contract
Europe may keep its autonomy
But guys, don’t fool yourselves. I haven’t given up on sending boards as far as Berlin.
They’re going to pay for not obeying my orders
Let SUEPO vote in a replacement for me
ᶃ Gemini Space
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