APR 1 2016 [for immediate release under embargo until the stated date] -- MUNICH: Capitalising on the success of Volkswagen, FTI Consulting, the PR firm of the EPO, has proudly announced the unprecedented launch of a new 5-year advertising campaign in order to improve the already-perfect and eternally-immaculate image of the EPO. "Drive your Audi Home" is the title of this exciting campaign, which will target TV audiences in the Netherlands and Germany. With the memorable motto "you're the boss" FTI Consulting expects customers to value rapid growth in both morale and confidence.

“Our relationships are excellent.”
      --EPO officialThis marketing push is part of an ongoing campaign, which may extend to more countries across Europe in due course, depending on media demand and dependent on the market perception of the EPO's fine products. It strives to take advantage of the poor demand for Volkswagen vehicles, which despite fantastic figures and low emissions (as confirmed by the International Automobile Magazine, IAM) has not managed to gain a foothold anywhere outside of Germany.

In a prepared statement, said an unnamed EPO official, "the new campaign fills a void and will further enhance the image of the EPO." Commenting on the substance of the the motto, the official explained: "There has never been a better time to buy an Audi. Our relationships are excellent. Our performance is at an all-time high. You can drive your Audi like a boss to any place in Europe, as far as France to the West and Croatia to the East." ⬆

Postscript: this is satire, in case it's not obvious.