Bonum Certa Men Certa

New EPO Marketing Campaign: Drive Your Audi Home

Audi EPO



Summary: Audi forges a 5-year marketing relationship and mutually-exclusive contract with the European Patent Office, lending its name to the highly credible international body, where quality is unsayably exceptional

APR 1 2016 [for immediate release under embargo until the stated date] -- MUNICH: Capitalising on the success of Volkswagen, FTI Consulting, the PR firm of the EPO, has proudly announced the unprecedented launch of a new 5-year advertising campaign in order to improve the already-perfect and eternally-immaculate image of the EPO. "Drive your Audi Home" is the title of this exciting campaign, which will target TV audiences in the Netherlands and Germany. With the memorable motto "you're the boss" FTI Consulting expects customers to value rapid growth in both morale and confidence.



“Our relationships are excellent.”
      --EPO official
This marketing push is part of an ongoing campaign, which may extend to more countries across Europe in due course, depending on media demand and dependent on the market perception of the EPO's fine products. It strives to take advantage of the poor demand for Volkswagen vehicles, which despite fantastic figures and low emissions (as confirmed by the International Automobile Magazine, IAM) has not managed to gain a foothold anywhere outside of Germany.

In a prepared statement, said an unnamed EPO official, "the new campaign fills a void and will further enhance the image of the EPO." Commenting on the substance of the the motto, the official explained: "There has never been a better time to buy an Audi. Our relationships are excellent. Our performance is at an all-time high. You can drive your Audi like a boss to any place in Europe, as far as France to the West and Croatia to the East."

Postscript: this is satire, in case it's not obvious.

Recent Techrights' Posts

Links 16/04/2024: Levente "anthraxx" Polyák as Arch Linux 2024 Leader, openSUSE Leap Micro 6 Now Alpha, Facebook Blocking News
Links for the day
Apology & Correction: Daniele Scasciafratte & Mozilla, OSCAL, Albania dating
Reprinted with permission from the Free Software Fellowship
Richard Stallman to Give Public Talk in Portugal on Wednesday
new addition to his page
Richard Stallman's Hair Has Grown Back and He Does Not Talk About Cancer
May he live a long and happy life
[Teaser] Freenode LTD: What Happened
Upcoming series based on insiders' account with evidence
Links 15/04/2024: Signs of Desperation at Microsoft and Tesla Employees Brace for Mass Layoffs (Update: Yes, Over 10% at Tesla Laid Off)
Links for the day
 
Upcoming Themes and Articles in Techrights
we expect to have already caught up with most of the administrivia and hopefully we'll be back to the prior pace some time later this week
Where is the copyright notice and license for Debian GNU/Linux itself?
Reprinted with permission from Daniel Pocock
Halász Dávid & IBM Red Hat, OSCAL, Albania dating
Reprinted with permission from the Free Software Fellowship
Next Week Marks a Year Since Red Hat Mass Layoffs, Another Round Would be "Consistent With Other Layoffs at IBM."
"From anon: Global D&I team has been cut in half."
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Monday, April 15, 2024
IRC logs for Monday, April 15, 2024
Links 15/04/2024: Navartis, AWS and Tesla Layoffs
Links for the day
Gemini Links 15/04/2024: YAML Issues and Gemtext Specification 0.24.0
Links for the day
New Video of Richard Stallman's Talk in Italy (Delivered a Week Ago)
a working copy of the video
Microsoft Windows Falling to New Lows in the United Kingdom and Worldwide
What's noteworthy here is that there's no sign at all of a Windows rebound
[Meme] Quantity of European Patents
they've rigged the system to make more money
Why do free software organizations eliminate community representatives?
Reprinted with permission from the Free Software Fellowship
Matthias Kirschner & FSFE People Trafficking, coercion of volunteers
Reprinted with permission from the Free Software Fellowship
Gemini Links 15/04/2024: Profectus Alpha 0.4 and RPG of One Capsule Progress
Links for the day
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Sunday, April 14, 2024
IRC logs for Sunday, April 14, 2024
Oceania: GNU/Linux Measured at Lower Than the International Average (4% or 7% Including ChromeOS)
statCounter's data
Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario (HRTO) Does Not Wish to Become an Instrument of Cost-Free Harassment or 'Cheap Revenge', It Says "Justice is Not Free. Quite the Contrary. Justice is Expensive."
Long story short, there is no lawsuit, there is a just a hateful, lying idiot abusing "the system" (which this idiot rejects entirely)
Achieving Objectives
The 'suits' and their vocabulary can be overcome when their deceit is widely deciphered:
Mozilla Has Turned Firefox Into OSPS Consistent With "Attestation" Objectives
Open Source Proprietary Software
100 years of Hitler & psychological experiments on volunteers
Reprinted with permission from the Free Software Fellowship
Taliban, the Free and Open Source Software Community Team of Afghanistan
Reprinted with permission from the Free Software Fellowship
Links 14/04/2024: Software Needed for Work and Issues in Brazil
Links for the day
Gemini Links 14/04/2024: OFFLFIRSOCH and Gemtext Specification 0.24.0
Links for the day
Links 14/04/2024: Tesla and OpenAI (Microsoft) Layoffs Floated in the Media
Links for the day
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Saturday, April 13, 2024
IRC logs for Saturday, April 13, 2024