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06.21.16

Caricature: Bygmalion Patent Office

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 12:30 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

When money runs like water, even towards dubious causes

EPO accounting

Summary: The latest cartoon regarding Battistelli’s European Patent Office

06.08.16

Caricature of the Day: Presidential Brakes

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 8:55 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

President without brakes

Summary: The latest widely-circulated cartoon about the so-called 'Bike Affair'

06.07.16

Today’s Caricature: European Patent Office (EPO) ‘Social Study’

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 12:20 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

caricature

Summary: Cartoon about the highly controversial (and propagandistic) 'social study'

05.29.16

New EPO Caricature: Nouveaux Garde-Vélo (New Bicycle Guards)

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 7:55 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Battistelli's bike

Summary: A new cartoon poking fun at Battistelli’s bicycles and the perceived threat these are under

There’s a new cartoon circulating again.

“Feel free to make use of it if you like,” the person who sent it to us wrote. It came with this comment: “VP4 [Topić] apparently hired additional security personnel to protect the prez’s bike (evidence attached).”

“There’s also the possibility that further crackdowns on staff (not only staff representatives) will be justified this way.”This is yet another example of scorn of the message from Željko Topić. The Mercedes symbol in the wheels is not a coincidence (alleged bribery) and the caricature, when zoomed in, shows “Made in Croatia” written across the bike.

People are not taking seriously the alleged incident, probably because they don’t trust a word that comes out of Topić’s mouth and they can foresee how it will be exploited to justify unbelievably expensive bodyguards (six of them!) for a man almost in his 70s and under no obvious threat (except perhaps his own chronic paranoia which goes a long way back). There’s also the possibility that further crackdowns on staff (not only staff representatives) will be justified this way.

04.02.16

Nueva Campaña de Marketing de la EPO: Conduce to Audi a Casa

Posted in Europe, Humour, Marketing, Patents at 6:16 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

English/Original

Publicado en Europe, Humor, Marketing, Patentes at 1:57 pm por el Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Audi EPO

Sumario: Audi fragua una relación de 5-años de marketing y mutualmete-exclusivo contrato con la Oficina Europea de Patentes, prestando su nombre al altamente credible, respetable cuerpo internacional, donde la calidad es inquestionamblemente excepcional

APR 1 2016 [para immediata publicación bajo embargo hasta la fecha especificada] — MUNICH: Aprovechando el éxito de Volkswagen, FTI Consulting, la empresa de relaciones públicas de la EPO, ha anunciado con bombos y platillos el lanzamiento sin precedentes de una nueva campaña publicitaria de 5 años con el fin de mejorar la imagen ya perfecta y eternamente-inmaculada de la OEP. “Conduce tu Audi Home” es el título de esta emocionante campaña, que tendrá como objetivo las audiencias de televisión en los Países Bajos y Alemania. Con el lema memorable “usted es el jefe de” FTI Consulting espera que los clientes valoran un rápido crecimiento tanto moral y la confianzaa.

“Nuestras relaciones son excelentes.”
      –Alto Oficial de la EPO
Esta campaña de marketing es parte de una campaña en curso, que se extenderá a más países a través de Europa en su debido momento, dependiendo de la demanda de medios y de la percepción del mercado de productos finos de la OEP. Se esfuerza por tomar ventaja de la pobre demanda de vehículos de Volkswagen, que a pesar de figuras fantásticas y bajas emisiones (según lo confirmado por la Revista Internacional del Automóvil, IAM) no ha logrado establecer un lugar para sí en cualquier lugar fuera de Alemania.

En una declaración preparada, dijo un no-nombrado oficial de la EPO, ¨la nueva campaña llena un vacío y mejorará la imagen de la EPO.¨Comentando en el meollo del lema, el oficial explicó: ¨Nunca ha habido mejor tiempo para comprar un Audi. Nuestras relaciones son excelentes. Nuestra productividad esta más arriba que cualquier momento. Puedes manejar tu Audi como un jefe a cualquier lugar de Europa, tan lejos como Francia al Oeste y Croacia al Este.¨

03.31.16

Microsoft Vows to Stop All Patent Lawsuits and Threats Against Linux, Drops Existing Secret Settlements, Annuls NDAs

Posted in GNU/Linux, Humour, Microsoft, Patents at 5:50 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Satya Nadella

Summary: Satya Nadella finally decides to do the right thing by attempting to undo the damage caused since the Novell/Microsoft deal

IN an unprecedented effort to appease the GNU/Linux community, having launched a campaign of intimidation and coercion in 2006 (continues to date), Microsoft’s CEO Satya Nadella issued a public apology, posted in Microsoft’s official blog on Wednesday night. The apology did not name specific companies, but it did address Red Hat, Canonical and various device makers, primarily east Asian ones.

“I have decided to cancel all existing patent licensing deals with companies that distribute Linux and over the coming 24 months we shall refund them all the money charged in the period of 2006-2016, except in cases where these charges have already rendered those companies defunct or bankrupt.”
      –Satya Nadella
Nadella stated in his latest blog: “Having come to this company and having witnessed its aggressive campaign of patent abuse against small companies, I have vetoed Bill Gates, decided to fire Horacio Gutierrez, and my colleagues shall reveal the secret deals that we have signed over the past decade, including Novell’s.”

Nadella, closing his controversial blog post, noted that Brad Smith, a key architect of the old strategy, has resigned in protest. Attempts to reach Smith for comments have so far been unsuccessful.

“In order to demonstrate Microsoft’s commitment to GNU/Linux and its continued growth,” Nadella told us, “I have decided to cancel all existing patent licensing deals with companies that distribute Linux and over the coming 24 months we shall refund them all the money charged in the period of 2006-2016, except in cases where these charges have already rendered those companies defunct or bankrupt.”

Nadella has not yet commented about the possibility of scuttling Microsoft-connected patent trolls such as Intellectual Ventures, which also attack Linux.

Postscript: sadly, this story is made up (April 1st) and will most probably remain fictional for good.

New EPO Marketing Campaign: Drive Your Audi Home

Posted in Europe, Humour, Marketing, Patents at 1:57 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Audi EPO

Summary: Audi forges a 5-year marketing relationship and mutually-exclusive contract with the European Patent Office, lending its name to the highly credible international body, where quality is unsayably exceptional

APR 1 2016 [for immediate release under embargo until the stated date] — MUNICH: Capitalising on the success of Volkswagen, FTI Consulting, the PR firm of the EPO, has proudly announced the unprecedented launch of a new 5-year advertising campaign in order to improve the already-perfect and eternally-immaculate image of the EPO. “Drive your Audi Home” is the title of this exciting campaign, which will target TV audiences in the Netherlands and Germany. With the memorable motto “you’re the boss” FTI Consulting expects customers to value rapid growth in both morale and confidence.

“Our relationships are excellent.”
      –EPO official
This marketing push is part of an ongoing campaign, which may extend to more countries across Europe in due course, depending on media demand and dependent on the market perception of the EPO’s fine products. It strives to take advantage of the poor demand for Volkswagen vehicles, which despite fantastic figures and low emissions (as confirmed by the International Automobile Magazine, IAM) has not managed to gain a foothold anywhere outside of Germany.

In a prepared statement, said an unnamed EPO official, “the new campaign fills a void and will further enhance the image of the EPO.” Commenting on the substance of the the motto, the official explained: “There has never been a better time to buy an Audi. Our relationships are excellent. Our performance is at an all-time high. You can drive your Audi like a boss to any place in Europe, as far as France to the West and Croatia to the East.”

Postscript: this is satire, in case it’s not obvious.

02.16.16

Caricature of the Day: Willy Minnoye (EPO) Above the Law

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 12:23 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Summary: Some humour about the man who insists that the European Patent Office will simply refuse to obey orders from the highest court at The Hague

THE caricature below refers to the EPO‘s belief that the law does not apply to it (see context in this recent video).

Willy Minnoye caricature

More articles about the EPO are on their way tonight and tomorrow.

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