[Meme] Virtual Prisons for Virtual Hearings (Haarings)

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 5:47 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Found guilty… before the hearings even started

I hereby found you guilty and sentence you to 10 years in virtual prison behind metal bars; In what?!

5 more years... in virtual prison

Summary: Today’s EPO has a truly twisted notion of the “rule of law”

President of the Boards of Appeal, the Star of the Haar Show

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 5:31 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

President of the Boards of Appeal Calle Josefsson in Bandcamp
Calle Josefsson in Bandcamp

Summary: It’s best in the metal version; burn in Hell, Lesley Gore

It’s my party

I’ll shout if I want to
Shout if I want to
Pout if I want to

“Outsourced when I want that”It’s my country
I’ll bow when I want to
Break the law when I want to
Hide when I want to

WeddingIt’s my courtroom
Outsourced when I want that
Spied if it suits me
But not when I need my privacy

It’s my Office
I serve the agenda
Illegal agenda
Remove these addenda

I’m the queen of my courtroom
Working from my bathroom
Sometimes from my bedroom
Always in legal vacuum

My enlarged board is grand
Controlled by my wand
Playing with sand
Rejected on remand

XV FriendsIt’s my party
I’ll shout if I want to
Shout if I want to
Pout if I want to

It’s my secret
I’ll hide when I need to
Lie when I need to
Run when I need to

You too would quit tweeting if it happened to you…


Raise the Roof

Posted in Humour, IBM at 4:18 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Too big to fail? Or to pay back?

US debt
United States Government Debt (in millions)

Summary: Out comes the taxpayers’ subsidy, assured; with military the sky is the limit (and bailout guaranteed)

Raise the roof, darling
Fly high like a starling

“Leverage patents”Show me the money
Won’t you please, honey

Buy our equipment
Disregard the predicament

Hey, You! I want a Bloody Mary! -- Arthur K. WatsonOust the communities
In go indemnities

Leverage patents
While they open their presents

Raise the roof, once more
We’re greedy to the core

Nothing needs to rhyme
When you’re our property 100% of the time

Super rich hold $32 trillion in offshore havens
9 years ago


Act More ‘Professional’ to Appease Mobs

Posted in Free/Libre Software, Humour at 3:32 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Treating geeks like they’re some sort of aliens

Put on the gear; The tuxedo don't fear; Grab a beer; Oh dear!

Summary: We should all think alike, dress alike, and like everybody (especially the business overlords)

SHAVE off the beard

It’s looking kind of weird

Put away that red shirt
Never wear a skirt

Shampoo every day
That’s the only way

“Put away that red shirt”Smile to the camera
Facebook will retain this for an era

Don’t interrupt speakers
When he or she bickers

Don’t mention politics
That might offend some heretics

Jim Zemlin in tuxedo
Photo credit: The Linux Foundation


Here We Are…

Posted in Humour, IBM at 2:35 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

THE TIME is now

To IBM we bow
Not a question of how
It’s IBM’s scared cow

Star Trek President Warning: Wash the organisation (off the geeks); Then the 'open org' will become 'open wash'Wayland in a Ubuntu hippopotamus distro
IBM no master but maestro
Systemd was just the intro
Init system turned full bistro

Modularity down the drain
Old programs and scripts out in the rain
Opposition is hatred, not disdain
Come aboard, it’s the IBM train

“Choo choo” goes the IBM locomotive
Smile, you nerds, show you’re emotive
Vendor lock-in by no means destructive
Our software patents are ‘open’ and inventive

The Open OrgThe final destination unknown to many
Too many questions asked by the canny
CentOS reduced to a penny
Fedora is next, but it looks a little zenny

The webchats are now rebranded a “summit”
Our shares and our headcount continue to plummet
Masters of the universe, kings of the planet
Attracted to money like paperclip to a magnet

Krishna and Allowhurst man the top deck
Staff using GMail? Hey, what the HECK?!
We name our products “Watson”, homage to a dreck
While at the same time our GPL suppliers we smack

The endgame not far
We’ve lowered the bar
Patents are a guiding star
We’ll monopolise the OS, Wunderbar!


The Phone Song

Posted in Humour at 8:33 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Phones spy on me, I have new notifications, CAN'T STOP!

Summary: Culture reduced to staring at the small screens of devices that are instruments of control over their carriers

IT FOLLOWS me around

Notifications inbound
What is that sound?
New distractions now found

The apps no longer run
Upgrades can be fun
Oh, what have I done?
Politics they shun

Gyroscope always on
My data they’ve won
Is that the sign of a drone?
Google and Apple just groan

The microphone is my “assistant” at home
It knows where else I roam
It’s integrated into Chrome
Intercepted like an ECHELON dome

Phones are all fun and games
They connect Jennifer and James
Meeting across the Thames
Without even knowing each others’ names

Enjoy your romantic dinner
Face down at the screen reader
Who exactly is the winner?
Patience running thinner

Life so so much richer
GAFAM is your teacher!

[Meme] 100% of the Time Working for the 1%

Posted in Humour, IBM at 10:26 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

You Are An IBM Employee 100% Of The Time; OK sir, work liberates me anyway

IBM Employees 100% Of The Time! 101% for 70% the salary, 99% of the time: If 'work liberates', when one would be optimally free (liberated) if working 100%, just like in forced labour camps or Chinese sweatshops

Summary: If ‘work liberates’, then one would be optimally free (liberated) if working 100% of one’s time, just like in forced labour camps or Chinese sweatshops


An Ode to Dr. Ernst

Posted in Europe, Humour, Patents at 7:11 am by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

THE BUDGET is right
Not worth the fight
That hand that feeds thou shalt not bite
Out of mind, out of sight

Eyes on the trophy
More tea and coffee

Budget issues? Not my department!

Are you done yet…?

Sir, yes, sir!

EPO oversight?... would rather overlook

EPO oversight in check
From Maftónio comes the next cheque
The institution is a shipwreck
But at pension age he can abandon the deck

(Stay tuned for part 16 in the series…)

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