Gemini* and Gopher

• Personal/Opinions

  • What even is success?

    Success is such a weird word. What does it even mean? It is one of those words that gives me a similar itch "white people stuff" gives me, but different. Maybe it's the "neoliberal bullshit" itch, idk.

    "I am a successful woman"

    I tried to say this out loud and i might as well say "my ulster's vacation is green". Utter nonsense.

  • On Neurotypicals and Getting Understood

    You know, people usually say that autistic persons lack empathy. They say that we are unable to show feelings, to understand what other people go through. We are also famous for not being able to express ourselves clearly, that it can be hard sometimes to grasp what our so different brains are processing. Is it really the case, though?

• Politics and World Events

  • Please nuke germany, (but give me a heads up first)

    This is probably my 7859443th rant about this country. But my first one on my gemlog. And it's a bit of a clarification where I stand politically, just so people don't think I am something I'm not. I mean in short, I'm some kind of artist. An old queer tranny with knuckle tattoos and a crowbar.

    [...]

    Yeah you guessed it right. The G-Word. If I wrote this in german, my neighbors would call the cops just from the typing noises of my keyboard. Germany was and still is a genocidal society. And the people here will fight tooth and nail to not admit this.

    Germans at large don't even know where Namibia is. Or that we colonized it. They might know about the genocide under a different phrase, the Herero and Nama genocide, but only if they're actually invested in learning their history.

    I went to school in the 90s and early 2000s and I never heard about it in school.

• Technology and Free Software

  • Depression and screen addiction

    I have suffered from chronic depression a good 20 years now. Basically since my late teens when I left school at 17. Maybe even before that. And my past coping mechanisms weren't exactly healthy. Throughout my 20s I developed a serious drinking problem. Until in my early 30s I began to allow myself to heal. And things became better. I stopped drinking, transitioned, left the tech industry, built a social life, made a lot of art, found God. And my mental state was slowly improving year by year.

    [...]

    This year began in deep burnout. And I allowed myself to rest. After all that had happened, of cause I need rest. But it also meant I spent day after day in bed, ordering takeout and distracting myself with the big TV screen at the foot of my bed.

  • rnx rnsh rncp

    I was playing with the various other methods of communication over reticulum. Stuff I couldn’t find a realistic way of doing with Meshtastic.

  • Internet/Gemini

    • Power structures of Gemini

      First of all I like small communities. And I am a fan of communities being diverse, having inner contradicitions, etc. Because every human being contains inner contradictions as well. I like friction, though when power gradients are present within a community, and they almost always are, friction can quickly turn to violence. Not every act of violence is grusome or life altering. Me getting kicked out of a bar because the barkeeper doesn't like my nose is an act of violence but probably one I won't have to mourn over. Except if it's the only bar in town.

      Now recently I got banned on Antenna. I have no idea why and they didn't respond to my emails. Sure I can make whatever assumptions based on what I was posting, maybe it was out of islamophobia or nationalism, but ultimately I don't know.

    • by ranja

      I wrote something about encountering the implicit power structures of geminispace. How we allowed one service to be a gatekeeper.

    • An exercise in being (not actually) censored

      About a week ago, maybe two, I wrote a transmission about something, I forgot which one exactly it was, and as usual I submitted the feed url to ew0k's antenna instance. And my transmission never showed up there. So I scrolled down and noticed that all transmissions from the last few days were missing. And all of that after I had published a transmission that was 100% political and unapologetic. Nothing that would be controversial among anarchists but given that so many people in geminispace seem to be lib tech people (there isn't a Politics space on Bubble but one on Anarchocapitalism[derogarory], need I say more?) someone writing a hysterical email to ew0k and getting banned isn't an outlandish thought to have in that moment. So I wrote ew0k an email, just asking "hey, did I offend anyone" while thanking them for running antenna but they never answered. Which is fine, people can just be busy and some email from some random gemini weirdo quickly falls through the cracks.

      This text isn't a critic of ew0k or Antenna or gemini or anything. It's a bit of a reflexion on my own reaction, the concequences I took from it and where that had led me.

      So in my mind, I assumed I was banned from Antenna. So far so good. What now? I looked around geminispace for another aggregator that lets me throw my transmissions at. Because I just came here recently, I have no idea if anyone subscribes to any of my gemlogs and while I'm not keen on having "all the attention and fame" (I wouldn't write on gemini of all places if I would), only writing out into the black void without anyone knowing my capsule or gemfeeds exist feels a little bit pointless.