Bonum Certa Men Certa

The WSL Song

We pinch Linux Like this! And then we'll squash it!



Summary: "Linux" Subsystem for Monopoly; get up and dance, peasants! Let's celebrate!

TWO reboots a week are less than sufficient That may be the cost of running a base too ancient for the technically-proficient A piece of malware and/or a keylogger -- all with its own bootable system What else can be added? Let's add more bloat to the rhythm

So we threw in GNU, but of course we called it Linux What else is new? Well, at least it's kind of like UNIX Canonical was recruited to help, but their assistant jumped ship So a Hayden we added, taking his first UNIX dip

Anonymously we trolled our critics What do they know after all? Just a bunch of fanatics! The media we bribed, except that which was already in our pockets WSL they called "LINUX", what a bunch of mindless muppets!

Several years passed and WSL was a failure We refused to reveal numbers, we said it's an error So WSL2 we trotted out, this time with Linux included ActiveX we then added, as EEE must be EEEmbedded

Here we are an election cycle later Things aren't getting better Our position is slipping even faster Our boss Bill says this should matter

In between crucial meetings Secret meetings nevertheless With Modi, with Trump With Epstein the mess

Microsoft can't be evil, for it says it loves everything And it can't be racist either, for Nadella fronts for Windows and Bing!

Microsoft loves Linux Polygamy is OK It loves Windows more so With Linux on top (crap, that sounds gay)

Cygwin is reinvented Or invented in Redmond Two decades later But it says "Microsoft" so it's a diamond

As our market share continues to dwindle Harder we shall fake Lying to our shareholders Distractions from the layoffs we bake

"Linux" Subsystem for Windows 150,000 users worldwide Anything to ensure GNU/Linux hasn't WINE on the side

Microsoft loves Linux Polygamy is OK But no bootloader, no improvements We love Linux only as long as its users pay

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