Bonum Certa Men Certa

EPO Management Discovers Media is Against It

Summary: Downfall of the EPO's management in the form of a video

THE EPO tackled with an epic "Downfall". I made this in a rush, so there are some mistakes in the video, some of which corrected in the transcript beneath (in bold fonts). I could re-render with the corrections, but it would take nearly half an hour.





Transcript:



Journalists are stating to write about our illegitimate activities

It has spread from Dutch and German newspapers to French and English ones

We estimate that it's just a matter of time before we're widely viewed as the Pariah of Europe

And it won't be long before officers come to raid our HQ in Munich

Tell FTI Consulting and Control Risks to get this under control

Sir

Sun King

They couldn't find any legitimate dirt on Els Hardon

They even tried calling her "sniper" but the public isn't buying it

I thought we had enough scapegoats in that judge, Hardon, Weaver, and Brumme

We're losing to that "Mafia"

I thought you told the media there was an armed Nazi

Why did you not obey my order to force the board to sack that bloody judge?

Now my own job is at risk

They told me Control Risks has Stasi contacts in Desa

And that they could sniff out the sources to all these bloggers with the I.U.

My goons are just a bunch of incompetent people incapable of understanding the Streisand Effect

Signing that Control Risks contract was the I.U.'s idea

Now look at all those articles about my horrible track record, I'd never get a job again

How do you think we feel about our own prospects?

Those Control Risks scum are a disgrace and a waste of money

Can't even do an investigation right

I told them we have no dough on the accused, they need to make shit up

Might as well claim that SUEPO is a violent union with knives and forks

All I wanted was my precious Unitary Patent Court for major applicants

But the European public just keeps finding out I'm totally out of my mind

Now I know what Napoleon felt like when he invaded Russia

Instead of viewing me as an heroic President my staff now compares me to Stalin

I never even got a Ph.D. like they did

All I have is some French diploma of a wannabe

But I tried to offer them a corporate occupation of Europe

Amateurs!

Nobody loves me and nobody ever respected me all along

The German people all along knew that I was up to no good

But I still have a plan B

I will cut their pay for each day they protest

I'll drown in my own blood before they force me to obey German law

Elodie, it'll be alright

I don't even know if the Unitary Patent will ever happen

Given all these scandals, nobody will believe a word that I say

Might as well call off the FTI Consulting contract

Europe may keep its autonomy

But guys, don't fool yourselves. I haven't given up on sending boards as far as Berlin.

They're going to pay for not obeying my orders

Let SUEPO vote in a replacement for me


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