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03.31.08

OpenSUSE Sheds Off Its Novell Antiroots, Returns to Pre-Novell Codebase, Version 4.01

Posted in GNU/Linux, Humour, Microsoft, Mono, Novell, OpenSUSE, Patent Covenant, Patents, SLES/SLED, Windows at 9:35 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Hot off the press:

Microsoft and Novell Announce Departure of OpenSUSE Project, Renewed Patent Strategy

Customers will continue to embrace SUSE Windows Enterprise; technical collaboration between Microsoft and Novell will expand Windows Vista distribution to create Windows 7

REDMOND, Wash., and WALTHAM, Mass. — Apr. 1, 2008 — Over one year after signing an agreement to exchange protection money and securing several kneecaps, Novell Inc. and Microsoft Corp. today announced that OpenSUSE developers had reached a state of unrest. As such, Microsoft and Novell decided to revise their strategic partnership and combine the best of two platforms’ intellectual property, protected by an extensive portfolio of valuable patents.

The two companies will continue to swap intellectual property (IP) and create Microsoft Windows 7, accompanied by a derivative release named SUSE Windows, ensuring that OpenSUSE developers, formerly of SuSE, can continue to develop GNU/Linux solutions with peace of mind. In addition, Novell and Microsoft announced an expansion of their strategic collaboration to create the Oligarchy Invention Network (OIN), whose purpose is to litigate — albeit by proxy — against disruptive technologies whose market cost is zero.

“This agreement has been about Novell’s shareholder since day one,” said Jam Jaffe, executive vile precedence at Novell. “Investors told us they wanted to indulge in the wealth that was built around Windows. Novell is also becoming the preferred patent troll for litigation strategies against companies which refuse to pay for imaginary property and unsubstantiated claims.”

Achievements to Date

Today Novell and Microsoft announced that 15 new customers, including SCO (Nasdaq: SCOX), have sought the services of the joint collaboration, whose potential in spreading fear is immense. “I have been looking for such opportunities for over 5 years,” said Darl McBride, whose expected departure was wrongly announced by the press in the month of February.

Novell concluded by assuring technical enthusiasts that their GNU/Linux* distribution will be stripped of most or all of Novell’s contributions to it, in order to avoid further legal damage and threat over frameworks such as Mono. “The hobbyists were not exactly what we needed at Novell anyway,” summarised Just in Stein at the press conference announcing this major development.

About Novell

Novell, Inc. (Nasdaq: NOVL) delivers infrastructure software for the Patent-happy Enterprise. Novell is a leader in desktop to data center operating systems based on Ballnux and the software required to secure and manage mixed IT environments. Novell helps customers around the world minimize cost, complexity and risk, allowing them to focus on innovation and growth. For more information, visit www.novell.com.

About Microsoft

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (Nasdaq “MSFT”) is the worldwide leader in bribery, extortion and blackmail that help people and businesses realize their full potential.

Novell and SUSE are registered trademarks of Novell Inc. in the United States and other countries.

* Linux is a registered trademark of Linus Torvalds.

SUSE manuals

Hint for the baffled: I wasn’t really hired by Microsoft a year ago today.

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11 Comments

  1. Felipe said,

    March 31, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    Gravatar

    Happy april fools!

  2. CoolGuy said,

    April 1, 2008 at 12:10 am

    Gravatar

    Linus is now working for Microsoft on Windows 7 due to come out next year…

  3. Roy Schestowitz said,

    April 1, 2008 at 12:26 am

    Gravatar

    Over at the Dot (KDE), it’s reported that KDE representatives voted “Yes” to OOXML. It had me fooled for a moment.

    http://dot.kde.org/1207000153/

  4. Petem said,

    April 1, 2008 at 9:15 am

    Gravatar

    MAN… you got me..!! i totally forgot this is april 1st…. for a minute, i thought novell was actually committing suicide…

  5. Roy Schestowitz said,

    April 1, 2008 at 9:18 am

    Gravatar

    i thought novell was actually committing suicide…

    Naa… that was over a year ago. :-p

    http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=6117892236984943124&hl=en

  6. MrLinux said,

    April 1, 2008 at 9:18 am

    Gravatar

    Funny – not.

  7. Victor Soliz said,

    April 1, 2008 at 10:37 am

    Gravatar

    Funny minus not equals Funy-o-t ?

  8. Roy Schestowitz said,

    April 1, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Gravatar

    Hmmm… interesting. A couple of hours ago I received the following E-mail, which seems to borrow similar ideas.


    [opensuse-announce] openSUSE 4.1 available


    The openSUSE team proudly announces the availability of openSUSE 4.1.

    We’re shipping all the latest open source packages that are available at time
    of launch. As highlights, we’d like to point out the latest desktops, GNOME
    4.1 and KDE 4.1 plus KDE 4.2 preview, our MP41 support via gstreamer plug-in
    by Fluendo, a faster boot process, heavily optimised and improved package
    management, 1-click install option for additional software, OpenOffice 4.1,
    XEN 4.1 and VirtualBox 4.1 and, last but not least, our 4 in 1 CD installation
    which provides a small but fully loaded desktop. For all the news and
    impressive screenshots, have a look at http://news.opensuse.org/?p=412008

    It’s available now to download at http://software.openSUSE.org in Amstrad,
    Commodore, Kaypro and TRS-80 versions – from our mirrors and via bittorrent.

    The following ISOs can be downloaded: the 1 CD open source version with an
    add-on CD containing proprietary software, such as iTunes,
    World of Warcraft, and Microsoft Office for Linux. DVD ISOs for all
    architectures are available and contain the open source version plus
    proprietary add-ons. An installable Live CD will be released in October, and
    the Edu add-on CD http://en.opensuse.org/Education will show up in the same
    time frame.

    As usual, openSUSE 4.1 will be available in European retail channels as a
    boxed product Of course, there it will be known as openSUSE 1.4. All software
    versions contained will follow. In North America, the box will be available
    through shopNovell http://shop.novell.com. Due to production lead times,
    boxes will start to show up on shelves when we feel like it.

    We’d like to take this opportunity to thank the whole openSUSE community for
    tons of testing, feedback, contributions and over all participation in
    helping to make openSUSE 4.1 an awesome distribution. While risking missing
    out some important contributors, we’d like to spotlight some
    community members for their outstanding work:

    Have a lot of fun!

    – openSUSE SUSE LINUX Products GmbH – Nürnberg – AG Nürnberg


  9. David said,

    April 1, 2008 at 11:19 pm

    Gravatar

    I can’t believe this web site is still around! Again, how come you idiots are not boycotting all the other distros/companies that made deals with M$? I thought by now, you would have realized that the 5 people that visited your site last month would be a hint for your to start revising those resumes of yours!

    This Roy joker that writes here, needs lessons about writing articles and doing some research. Granted I’ve only read two articles since they put up this site (too damn boring….) but that was enough to realize that these people (pro open source…. yeah right) have no clue as to what goes on in the market and just because you don’t like a company, doesn’t mean that their products are not good or that they’re not useful to others, which BTW, I must admit, we use in-house and will continue to use Novell’s products, they’re simply good.

    As for this site, I think these people who run it should get a clue and start thinking about doing something useful. This site is to computing what Esquire is to journalism…. s..t

    David

  10. Roy Schestowitz said,

    April 1, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    Gravatar

    I can’t believe this web site is still around! Again, how come you idiots are not boycotting all the other distros/companies that made deals with M$?

    Who said we don’t?

    http://boycottxandros.com
    http://boycottlinspire.com

    ..which BTW, I must admit, we use in-house and will continue to use Novell’s products, they’re simply good.

    That is an extremely common defense argument for the use of Microsoft Windows, despite all that we know.

  11. Tomari-chan said,

    April 2, 2008 at 7:51 am

    Gravatar

    I do believe it!

    After all, it’s always the same 4 guys spending their evenings here. Obviously they got nothing better to do than indulge in that hobby of theirs.

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