Bonum Certa Men Certa

Some of the USPTO's Most Ridiculous Patents Are Scrutinised by “Above the Law” While Dennis Crouch Attempts to Tarnish Alice



Whereas Charles Duan (below) compares patents to monopolies

Charles DuanSummary: Controversies over patent scope and level of novelty required for a patent; as usual, public interest groups try to restrict patent scope, whereas those who make money out of abundance of patents attempt to remove every barrier

THE declining quality of European Patents (EPs) is a real issue at the EPO. But that pales in comparison to some of the patents granted by the US patent office. USPTO patents include a method of swinging a swing, for example. Sideways. Yes, it's a patent!



"Ever tried swinging from side to side on a swing instead of back & forth? Turns out, that method is patented," United for Patent Reform wrote, linking to this article from earlier this month. It's a pretty infamous patent which we mentioned here before.

"There's also a patent for the "comb-over"," one person reminded me today. This too we mentioned here a very long time ago.

From the article at “Above the Law”:

The United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) has granted some pretty ridiculous patents over the years. It makes me wonder about the quality of patents they’re not granting. If you’re interested in patent policy, you should really read the Electronic Frontier Foundation’s (EFF) “Stupid Patent of the Month” column (EFF actually has the Mark Cuban Endowed Chair to Eliminate Stupid Patents), which is exactly what it describes itself to be: an incredible collection of outrageous, low-quality, obvious claims that USPTO somehow deemed worthy of monopoly protection. While some of these have since been revoked or overturned, just remember that they were once granted. Note that the Supreme Court in recent years has—often unanimously—overturned several patents, clarifying patentability criteria, which should impact the number of stupid patents being granted. And, I note that the collection of ridiculous patents below does not include items that actually meet patentability thresholds, but are just crazy ideas; instead, they cover things that probably should never have been granted a patent to begin with.



How about the other picks from the EFF?

"Unfortunately, the negligent USPTO will issue patents to people like this. Here's one on a mundane training regime," the EFF's Daniel Nazer wrote about this patent and there's more in Twitter (in this thread, for context).

Why did the examiners at the USPTO accept these applications and how did that slip through the system without adequate safeguards? This is why things like PTAB (to be covered separately) are required.

Earlier today we also stumbled upon this truly ridiculous article from the National Law Review. It wants us to think of methods as objects and the headline is a loaded question: "Why Can’t A Method Be Sold, Just Like Any Other Invention?"

U.S. Patent and Trademark Office guidelines do not currently allow patentees to directly claim software inventions, thereby encouraging use of other claim types such as method claims. As a result, the patent office has issued many patents with method claims directed to software inventions. But patentees who rely on method claims to protect their software inventions — and indeed all patentees with method claims — face a significant obstacle that has been imposed by the Federal Circuit.

Specifically, the Federal Circuit has held for purposes of infringement that method inventions are not considered made or sold even if they are necessarily used by or embodied in products that are made or sold. This has the effective result of helping infringers to exploit patented method inventions by selling products that make use of the invention — even in ordinary and expected usage of the product — while evading legitimate attempts by the patentee to remedy the infringement. Below, we suggest that the Federal Circuit’s position is incorrect and unnecessarily hampers protection and enforcement of method inventions, disproportionately affecting software. The Federal Circuit should change course and clarify that methods can be sold just like any other invention in certain circumstances.



The first paragraph says "software inventions" three times. It's obvious that people who never developed software can't quite grasp that programming isn't "invention".

We assume that many law professors still deliberately misunderstand software development and incidentally, there's this new article today about Judge William H. Alsup of the northern district of California learning how to code in order to better understand the Oracle v Google case (copyrights and patents).

Earlier today Dennis Crouch wrote about the Federal Circuit, claiming that on Alice the "Turnstile Keeps Spinning" even though nowadays (this year) the court almost always invalidates software patents. It's becoming more consistent over time, but to lobbyists like Crouch (promoting patent maximalists' and trolls' agenda) it's a "Turnstile", apparently. To quote:

In a split opinion, the Federal Circuit has affirmed the district court’s judgment on the pleadings – R. 12(c) – that the asserted claims of SSI’s four patents are invalid under Section 101 for claiming an abstract idea. U.S. Patent Nos. 7,566,003, 7,568,617, 8,505,816, and 8,662,390. (Claim 14 of the ‘003 patent – covering a method for validating entry to a city bus or train – is reproduced below).

[...]

As the Supreme Court has done in its 101 analysis, Judge Linn linked his work back to cases such as Le Roy, Mackay, and Funk Bros. The language of those cases focus on “fundamental truths” and “hitherto unknown phenomenon of nature.” In Benson and Alice, the court also explained “Phenomena of nature, though just discovered, mental processes, and abstract intellectual concepts are not patentable, as they are the basic tools of scientific and technological work.”

For Judge Linn, a method of charging a bank-card at a bus-turnstile does not fit into those expansive definitions.

Judge Linn’s opinion recognizes that his concern directly stems from the Supreme Court’s approach in Alice and Mayo. He writes: “The problem with this test, however, is that it is indeterminate and often leads to arbitrary results.” His solution is that the two part test should not be “applied in a legal vacuum divorced from its genesis” and the three exceptions should be treated consistently. Patents should not be struck down simply because they “seemingly fail the Supreme Court’s test.” Rather, the focus should be on whether the patents “attempt to appropriate a basic building block of scientific or technological work.”

The solution for Judge Linn: Focus on the language of the claims and each limitation when determining whether a claim is directed to an abstract idea – “a basic building block of scientific or technological activity” or instead to a “tangible application” that serves a “new and useful end.”


Crouch is hoping to scandalise Alice like he does PTAB. Earlier this year it became ever more evident that Crouch is more like an activist (for trolls) than a scholar. He's no longer good at concealing it. Earlier today he published a guest post by Charles Duan of Public Knowledge. This, for a change, gave an illusion of balance, comparing patents to monopolies:

Are Patents Monopolies? It Depends on the Relevant Century



The question of whether patents are monopolies is one of ongoing debate. But an important aspect of that debate is the correct meaning of the word “monopoly.” A change in the word’s meaning over the last few centuries can explain at least some of the differing opinions on the question.

Today, the word “monopoly” refers to a concentration of economic market power in a single firm or entity. But up through the early 19th century, that was not the accepted definition. In that time period, a monopoly was a government grant of an exclusive right, more akin to a franchise or government contract.


As we showed earlier this year, Crouch keeps misleading the readers about what patents are. He uses the language of patent maximalists.

Recent Techrights' Posts

"Today's [Red Hat] is run by a cabal of vultures."
it seems safe to assume Red Hat too will languish away
Microsoft Layoffs in 2026 Can be Bigger Than 2025 Microsoft Layoffs (30,000+ Workers Laid Off)
"Is there going to be any reorg or Microsoft layoffs?"
The Free Software Foundation (FSF) Represents People, Not Corporations
FSF isn't in the "business" of appeasing oligarchs
IBM: We Can't Make 'AI' (Voice Recognition) Do the Work of a McDonald's Teenager, So Let's Try the Same on Saudi Planes
IBM is lost. It's truly lost.
 
Links 22/12/2025: Data Breaches, deterioration in Politics, and Geminispace
Links for the day
Links 22/12/2025: North Korean Applicants Target GAFAM (Amazon), ‘Orwellian Climate of Fear’ of CPC (Even Outside China)
Links for the day
More IBM Layoffs in India
It's not as simple as "laid off to be replaced by an Indian"
GAFAM Deeply Connected to Jeffrey Epstein, Richard Stallman (RMS) in No Way Connected to Jeffrey Epstein
people who hoarded all the capital get to decide what people think and say
Linus Torvalds Has a Birthday This Coming Weekend, Thankfully He Still Controls His Main Project
GNU and Linux should remain under their control as long as they live
Mozilla is Getting Attention for All the Wrong Reasons, Take a Look at LibreWolf
Just last week Mozilla added a new top-level manager who (as usual) came from a "tech giant"
When Conformism Means Capitulation and Defeat
In an age of injustices like these, we all have some kind of moral obligation not to be conformist.
Text is Still King
But the so-called 'industry' insists that we should download 10 MB of objects from multiple domains... even just to read 5-10 paragraphs of text
Links 22/12/2025: Facebook "Testing $14.99 Monthly Subscription Fee to Post Links" and "Middle East Petrostates as American Media Owners"
Links for the day
Beyond the World Wide Web (WWW)
We continue to treat Gemini Protocol as a first-class citizen
Serbia: GNU/Linux Rises, Windows Down to All-Time Lows
According to statCounter
"Wrestling With Pigs"
"Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it."
Productive Year and Better Access to Techrights' Archives Going Back to 2006
we've long needed and wanted native, local, independent search facilities
Linux Abandoned by Linux Foundation
It speaks for Microsoft and for so-called 'AI' companies
Microsoft Has Practically Given Up on XBox Already
Expect many XBox related layoffs when 2026 starts (Q1)
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Sunday, December 21, 2025
IRC logs for Sunday, December 21, 2025
Gemini Links 21/12/2025: Solstice, Chaos of CSS, and Program Interpreter Fun
Links for the day
Why?
Why write articles?
Microsoft-Connected Publisher Spinning XBox's Death Spiral (It's Dying Fast) as a Strength and Something Deliberate
"Microsoft’s big gaming pivot"
Slop is Rare by Now
A year ago slop was so abundant that we did a whole series about it, and it was daily
Links 21/12/2025: U.S. Strikes in Syria, "Epstein Files Photos Disappear From Government Website"
Links for the day
Gemini Links 21/12/2025: Labrador Retriever of Lagrange's Developer Dies From Cancer, Political Philosophy, and "Getting to Inbox Zero"
Links for the day
Microsoft is Becoming Irrelevant: The Case of Georgia
Not Georgia Tech
Sirius Open Source is Now Imminently Dead (Struck Off)
compulsory strike-off
Dr. Richard Stallman, Invited by LibreTech Collective, is Giving a Public Talk in Georgia Tech Next Month (Scheller College of Business)
They can probably squeeze about 400 people into this room
25 Years of Activism for GNU/Linux
My passion for GNU/Linux brought a lot of contentment
Africa, Where Microsoft Used De Facto Slaves to Pretend to be "AI", Chatbots Usage is 0.2% of Measured Online Traffic
Judging by recent trends in Africa, many "Windows PCs" are being converted into GNU/Linux computers
New Drone Footage Shows IBM is Dead (Parts of It)
The people who participated in IBM when IBM actually mattered probably have boasting rights, unlike people who work for IBM today
Michael Larabel Adds Slop Category to Phoronix, Quickly Realises That It's Worthless
Phoronix nowadays gets carried away; it made a new category to talk about slop and it decided to call it "intelligence" with some caricature of a brain (that's misleading)Phoronix nowadays gets carried away; it made a new category to talk about slop and it decided to call it "intelligence" with some caricature of a brain (that's misleading)
After 35 Years the World Wide Web, HTML, and HTTP Are Proprietary
HTTP/2 added a lot of complexity (it's just a Google protocol, based on SPDY originally), many image formats are proprietary and patented, HTML got 'replaced' by Java-Scripts [sic], and many URLs (the URL system was created in the early 90s) are just long strings for proprietary 'webapps'
The General Public License (GPL) Inspired the Web's Original Openness/Freedom, According to Tim Berners-Lee
"During the preceding year I had been trying to get CERN to release the intellectual property rights to the Web code under the General Public License (GPL) so that others could use it."
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Saturday, December 20, 2025
IRC logs for Saturday, December 20, 2025
The Register MS Has Lowered Its Standards Considerably
Incidentally, we've only just noticed that "US editor for The Register since July 2025" has not been active for 4 weeks already
Scamfarms, Spamfarms, and Slopfarms in "Linux" Clothing
Today, Linux searches in Google News produced no slop at all. That's an improvement.
Did Bill Gates Lobby to Blur the Face of the Young Woman He Openly Braces (and Who Isn't His Wife)?
"This photo of of Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates with a woman whose face is blurred out is just one of 68 more photos and documents released today."
Links 20/12/2025: Microsoft Ruins Televisions, 'Epstein Files' Deeply Sanitised (to Protect Particular Culprits)
Links for the day
Gemini Links 20/12/2025: Merry Christmas 2025 and Running a Factorio Headless Server on FreeBSD with the Linuxulato
Links for the day
With 10 Days Left, the Free Software Foundation (FSF) Has Already Raised Close to $300,000 This Winter
they're besieged by despicable corporations and very despicable people
The Real Problem With Rust is Not "Wokeness" (It Never Was)
Don't feed the trolls who attack "Rust People" on political grounds
2025 in Numbers
What was very good about this year is that we truly got "into the rhythm" of publishing
More Microsoft Layoffs Coming Soon
When I spoke about Microsoft layoffs (routinely) I got very viciously attacked by Microsoft boosters
My Humble Assessment of the Future of Red Hat, A Company That IBM is Flushing Down the Loo
GNU/Linux will be OK without Red Hat, but shaping the future of it matters because we don't want companies like Valve (DRM) to set the agenda
Probably the Least Useful Gadgets, Ever
as if a "smart" thing worn on the wrist is the "new Rolex"
Former Manager at IBM Research (Yorktown) Says Why IBM is Doomed and the Anonymous Tipline (Speak Up) is a Trap
IBM isn't willing to change or to address internal issues
Links 20/12/2025: Fentanylware Becomes CheeTok and "Why Roomba Died"
Links for the day
Linux Foundation: Richard Stallman Developed Only a Software Licence
We already criticised this report several times last night
Impulsive Writing, Quotas, and Keeping Things as Concise as Feasible
A 10-word sentence being read by a million people can have the same impact or magnitude (exposure-wise) as a million-word book being read by just 10 people
Gemini Links 20/12/2025: Christmas Songs, Storms, and Old Web
Links for the day
Coming to Grips With a Lack of Future at IBM
Red Hat's future doesn't look bright under the auspices as they seem right now
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Friday, December 19, 2025
IRC logs for Friday, December 19, 2025
Links 20/12/2025: Media Layoffs, a Third of Online Traffic is Bots
Links for the day