Shut Up and Learn to Maintain an Application Suite

Posted in Free/Libre Software, Google, Humour, Microsoft at 7:53 pm by Guest Editorial Team

Article by YOU Can Call Me “Mr. Developer” Actually, You Can Call Me “SIR Mr. Developer”

Summary: “Try and maintain a complex piece of software like a browser or an office suite, and then you’ll understand.”

Ah, the good old days… People used to complain, and we would tell them to stop snivelling and learn to code.

Now they pretend that even Free Software can do unethical things. Where do they get these ridiculous ideas?

Free Software can’t be unethical. You can always change the code, so PLEASE stop whinging about how it “spies” on you or got your dog pregnant — we seriously don’t care. We are just volunteers.

I know there was this guy — Shopman? Schtolman? Wait, Torvalds! He used to talk about something like this, but seriously, who codes in a bathrobe?

Google Street View logs WiFi networks, Mac addressesYou never hear Greg talking about that kind of nonsense. I mean, he’s too busy coding (and putting on some clothes first.)

But the rest of you, for crying out loud — just because “stuff happens” on your side and we get “data” about it on our side, doesn’t make it “spyware” — we aren’t spies. As I said, we are just volunteers.

You don’t understand ethics because you probably don’t write any code. I mean you say you do, you even showed us your GitHub repo, but you certainly haven’t written any code for us, so we don’t expect you to understand.

I don’t mean anything by it, you know — when I laughed at you on Twitter, I didn’t say you were “crazy” or “stupid”, just LOL. If we can’t laugh, that’s a serious problem. Then again, so is all this (frankly, very uninformed) whinging.

“But the rest of you, for crying out loud — just because “stuff happens” on your side and we get “data” about it on our side, doesn’t make it “spyware” — we aren’t spies. As I said, we are just volunteers.”Sometimes we sell data to Google. It’s not YOUR data, it’s OUR data. We’re the ones who found it. Yes, we wrote code for your browser to send it to us.

You can turn it off, you know. Just go to about:config and click “Yes I’m sure”, then agree to the EULA and email us a letter stating that you understand and agree to proper usage of our trademarks, then click “Show All settings” and add the key “browser.surveillance.telemetry.justkidding.spyonusmaybe” and set it to string value “0x3b338912″ and we won’t send any data in until we think of another way to make you even MORE free.

I don’t think you people get why we do this stuff. It’s all to help us help YOU. And this is the thanks we get!

When we sell the data, we also put that into helping YOU. But first we print it all out and go at your personal information really firmly with a rubber. Your privacy is totally safe!

Didn’t you learn anything when people tried to say that Ubuntu Unity Amazon Lens was spyware? Mark Shuttleworth explained all this, he said that if you trust Canonical with root access then obviously, you’re giving them permission to do whatever — and if you gave them permission, you shouldn’t complain. And that’s what trust is all about!

So really, we aren’t even asking for root access. Just sending some data from your software to our servers which is absolutely and in every way perfectly useless for indicating anything that you’re doing in a way that could you know, somehow “track” what you’re doing. Just think of it as random numbers, alright? Random numbers that aren’t at all important.

“Sometimes we sell data to Google. It’s not YOUR data, it’s OUR data. We’re the ones who found it. Yes, we wrote code for your browser to send it to us.”What I’d like to see is any of you whingers and peons try to maintain your own web browser, alright? I mean, it looks easy, but it’s really hard work! And then a bunch of uppity know-it-alls — sorry, I mean you people start talking about “ethics” like we did something wrong! And they you say we are spying on you! We are a non-profit, Hello? EVERYTHING we do is ethical.

Try and maintain a complex piece of software like a browser or an office suite, and then you’ll understand.

Until then, PLEASE just shut up already, it’s not helping anything. Turn off your computer and go put your tinfoil hats on, but don’t bother us with a bunch of silly nonsense. Come back when you want to contribute some code, or help pay for our time, when you’ve grown up a little.


“Try and maintain a complex piece of software like a browser or an office suite, and then you’ll understand.”Also, by all means, please feel free to copy and share this with your other loser friends who have nothing better to do than complain all the time.

Yours Sincerely,

Fed Up Developer Tired Of All The Whinging

(Sir Fed Up Developer Tired Of All The Whinging, to you.)

Public Domain

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