Bonum Certa Men Certa

McDonalds Visit Disaster, Courtesy of IBM and Apps

Reprinted with permission from Ryan Farmer



So I was trying to get back home from having my car’s wheel bearings checked out.



The wheel speed sensors all report the same speed, which is good, so we’re just going to have to look into things on a day when it’s not raining outside, as this can trip up the diagnostic. (You don’t know if the computer is putting on the ABS for real or if it’s glitching.)



Then I decided, “Why not just put in my McDonalds order through the app on my phone? They have coupons.”



Just to be safe, I screenshotted the confirmation number and receipt.



On my way home there’s the typical Chicago suburbs crap. Overturned semi-truck, guy in a stolen Dodge Charger wrapped around a tree at 100 miles an hour, school where they teach that boys are girls and girls are boys letting out.



By the time I made it 3 miles, it had been half an hour, so obviously my McDonalds app decided to crash, come back up, log me out, glitched when I tried to tell it which store I was at and went into a loop between the map and the ordering screen, and then told me the store was closed at 3 PM.



I got them to finally figure out that the order was in “the other cash register” and picked up my food.



When I got home, down the street, I realized, they had given me the wrong sandwich and they put disgusting nacho cheese and jalapeno pepper slices all over a burger? Gross! To add to this, I asked for fries with no salt and got those disgusting packing peanut heatlamp fries with too much salt



So this being Chicagoland, you can’t just do what you did in Indiana and call and have the manager push through a refund and then scrape the jalapenos off the burger and eat it. So I hopped back in the car, went down there, and told them they got the order wrong and I would like the correct burger and a fresh order of fries, with no salt.



They brought me the burger, then they brought me another bag with the fries.



I get home, there’s another burger in the bag with the fries, so I just put it in the fridge and asked my spouse if he wants it for lunch tomorrow.



In 1990, you went to McDonalds, handed them some cash, everyone paid the same price.



Maybe they asked if you wanted a 25 cent apple pie with your $2 Big Mac because 1990.



IBM sure made them efficient.



The Ketchup Nazi took a sabbatical:



On the bright side, they had a big pile of ketchup on the counter.



For a long time you had to ask, and when you said “a bunch”, “a lot”, or “look, at least give me enough for more than three fries”, they gave you 2-3 packages, or sometimes 30 packets, depending on how pissed and fuck-this-place the worker was after seeing their schedule that week.



So I started calling them the “Ketchup Nazis”, after that episode of Seinfeld where they had an Eastern European guy with a Stalinist mustache, which they called the Soup “Nazi”.



If you did anything to piss him off, he banned you from his restaurant, but his customers learned his peculiarities and “not to push it” if he made a mistake, because his soups were so good.



One day, George comes in and says they forgot his free bread. So the “Soup Nazi” tells him bread for him will be $2. Then when George complains everyone else got free bread, the “Soup Nazi” bans him from the store for two years.



He ends up getting Elaine to go in and buy soup for him incognito, after several others fear getting on the “Soup Nazi’s” bad side and refuse for fear of being banned as well, but Elaine doesn’t know the “Soup Nazi’s” protocols, and gets herself banned too.



Eventually Kramer, who is good friends with the “Soup Nazi”, gets a nice antique cabinet and sells it to Elaine, who finds out the “Soup Nazi” left all his recipes inside it.



She walks down to the store and tells him to unban them or she’ll ruin his business and “NO SOUP FOR YOU!”.



Anyway, I’m trying to get my CoC complaint against Walter Francis/Khaytsus, at the Fedora project to the point where it’ll be no soup for Walter. But I doubt his friends will do that to him.



Speaking of “hyperstagflation”…



One of “He Who Would Never Commit a CyberCrime’s” sockpuppets was in Techrights IRC the other day.



He got me in a reading binge on this infamous counterfeiter in the 1800s.



The guy was a German immigrant, Emanual Ninger, nicknamed “Jim the Penman”.



I don’t remember how the topic the troll brought up was germane to the German, but I got lost in the side quest.



Apparently, he bought paper from Crane & Company, the same source as the US Government for US bank notes, and although it was not the same exact paper, it was their best quality bond paper, and he set out to trace the bills and then draw in every tiny detail. He skipped the part about being produced by the Bureau of Engraving and Printing because “dey didn’t make dem”, and also the part about counterfeiting being punishable by imprisonment and hard labor, but almost nobody ever noticed.



He finally got careless one day and got pinched because he made change for a $50 at a liquor store and the note got wet and the ink started running, and the owner of the establishment had Ninger found and arrested. The judge took leniency on him because of his age and frailty.



To this day, there are collectors of “Ninger Notes” because they’re highly sought after works of art, illegal to possess. The few people who have one don’t want to draw attention, for the Secret Service would come and demand it.



I was thinking about Ninger while I was on the toilet at Panda Express, after having paid $32 for two people to eat dinner yesterday.



It took Mr. Ninger, “Jim the Penman”, weeks of hard work and expensive materials (the paper, mainly) to make a $20 or a $50 (his favorite) or a $100, but it was worth it because those bills were all worth thousands of dollars in today’s money.



In fact, “Jim” probably did the $50 so much because a $100 was an eye watering amount of money back then and hard to explain, and almost certain to be closely inspected even if it would have been appropriate in-context to the transaction.



Ostensibly, the reason the Secret Service would show up is that counterfeiting is a risk to the economy, it destabilizes it, it’s inflationary.



The problem with this is nobody would spend a “Ninger Note”. They’re almost priceless because so few survived the trial and the Secret Service destroying them.



Even if the notes wouldn’t look so out of place today, nobody would ever part with a Ninger $50 that’s worth about $10,000 under-the-table to another art collector, on a meal at Panda Express, which is about all it buys now due to the economic destabilization and inflation of…….“Joe the Biden”.



Set to work producing $100s, it would take Emanuel Ninger 2.684 billion years to produce enough money to fund the federal government for a year, or 5.369 billion years if he did it in $50s, his favorite.

Recent Techrights' Posts

"Use Wayland" Isn't a Bugfix for X (X11 is Still Necessary)
They tell us X is "dead" and we must all be herded into Wayland ASAP
The New Head of OSI is an "Hey Hi" (AI) Obsessed Person
when Bryant says "AI" that doesn't mean AI
"Governments, local authorities, schools and hospitals can lead by example by procuring only Free Software"
Crossposted from Tux Machines
Cindy Cohn Leaving the Electronic Frontier Foundation While Its Co-founder John Gilmore, Whom She Apparently Helped Oust, Will Celebrate 40 Years of the Free Software Foundation, Inc.
EFF has been busy hoarding GAFAM money, whereas the latter is where all the real activism is done
"Google is Googlebombing KDE's Project Banana"
So is Google googlebombing KDE's Project Banana? You decide.
Some Very Large IRC Networks Are Growing
IRC will turn 38 next year
What Ruben Amorim and Stefano Maffulli Have in Common
Censors Wikipedia and Social Control Media
Microsoft Won't Cooperate in Trying to Tackle EPO Corruption (Microsoft Profits From This Corruption)
Use something like BigBlueButton, Jami, Ring, and Jitsi instead
 
Links 16/09/2025: "The Censorship Alarm Is Ringing in the Wrong Direction" and ASRock Does Microsoft E.E.E. on GNU/Linux
Links for the day
Serious "Breach of Confidentiality of Personal Data" in Europe's Second-Largest Institution, the EPO
Yes, the same EPO that routinely uses "data protection" and "GDPR" as a pretext for hiding or covering up its corruption and white-collar crimes (it even uses that as an excuse for refusing to obey courts' orders)
Adrienne Rockenhaus Says Her Husband Was Arrested for Running Tor and Denied Basic Rights in the United States
the US seems to be getting "russified" in its approach towards Tor
This is What Happens When Microsoft Canonical Lets Decisions on Ubuntu be Made by a Youngster From the British Army (Where He Did Mass Surveillance)
"Is Ubuntu Compromised?"
Back Doored Windows Giving GNU/Linux a Hard Time (Under the Guise of 'Security')
Is this complication intentional? Most likely, yes
Links 16/09/2025: Science, Security, and Conflicts
Links for the day
Gemini Links 16/09/2025: Command-line Options in POSIX Shell and Introducing Acre 0.9
Links for the day
Microsoft 'Secure' Boot Versus Dual Boot With GNU/Linux
they're meant to assume everything is OK
Links 16/09/2025: While Oracle Pretends to be Rich It's Firing About 70 MySQL Workers, "Oracle's Revenge" (Faking Demand With "AI")
Links for the day
Microsoft Has Just Published a New Web Page About "Secure Boot Update Process" (Microsoft Also Admits Issues; PCs Can Stop Booting)
Why was this page issued and published only hours ago?
Microsoft Lunduke: I Spread Hate and Then I Receive Hate
Cry us a river, Microsoft Lunduke
"Disable Secure Boot and Fast Boot. Wipe and Start Over."
At least they didn't say, buy a new computer...
The Oracle Ponzi Scheme
Oracle isn't doing well, but it's nowadays fashionable to say "clown" and "hey hi" to prop up one's stock, even based on nothing at all
Taking Out the Battery, Opening Up Your Computer, Just Like a "Normie" Would
At this stage, any person who still says "enable Secure Boot" is misguided or persuaded by companies that sell rootkits
Slopwatch: Serial Sloppers and Slopfarms Still Infesting Google News (Fake 'Articles' About "Linux" Spreading FUD)
searching for "Linux" today yields a lot of FUD
The Reach of Techrights Has Broadened
We nowadays cover a broader range of issues
Complicating Things for No Actual Benefit, Just Added Risk and More Difficulties Adding GNU/Linux and BSDs
Watch what it's like for people who wish to use BSDs
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Monday, September 15, 2025
IRC logs for Monday, September 15, 2025
Links 16/09/2025: Autumn Party, RPG Planet, and Optical ROOPHLOCH
Links for the day
Geminispace Growing at Pace of Over 10% Per Year
Contrary to what some pessimists try to claim
Linux Mint Forums Today: Disable 'Secure Boot', It Doesn't Improve Security, It's Just a Microsoft Obstacle to GNU/Linux Users
They also mention MOK
Solved Less Than an Hour Ago: Trying to Escape Windows, 'Secure Boot' Gets in the Way
'Secure Boot' wasn't meant to even exist in the first place
Stefano Maffulli, Executive Director of the Open Source Initiative, Resigns or Gets Removed (We'll Continue Covering OSI Scandals)
A dozen mentions of "AI", not much about "Open Source"
Andy Has Just Nailed It (Regarding Complexity and Failure, a la UEFI)
The users no longer own or control what they buy
Compatibility Support Module (CSM) Versus GNU/Linux Simplicity
what Andy recently called "solutionism"
Links 15/09/2025: "Postal Traffic to US Down by Over 80%" and 'Smart' Spinozacampus Laundry Room Goes AWOL
Links for the day
Gemini Links 15/09/2025: Dungeon Hustle and Deleting Oneself From the Net
Links for the day
Breach of EPO's Duty of Care or Cigna Reimbursement Issues
This is the sort of thing that motivated Luigi Mangione to assassinate a CEO
Ask Ubuntu About "Secure Boot" Violation and Laptops That Don't Boot GNU/Linux
Does anyone still believe that "Secure Boot" has anything at all to do with security?
We Are Sad to Hear the Story of Jonathan Riddell, Champion of KDE and GNU/Linux on Desktops/Laptops
I have enormous respect for Jonathan and everything he has done
Talking About the Problem vs Talking to the Problem
Wanting an audience is never a good excuse for compromising one's values and principles
Focusing on Patents
The reason we cover the EPO so much is that it's close to home
"Secure Boot Violation": The 'Joys' of Fake Security Gone Wrong
Not everyone reboots every day
Links 15/09/2025: Russia Invades Romanian Airspace, Penske Media Sues Google Over LLM Slop
Links for the day
Links 15/09/2025: Bitcoin ATMs Scam and "Conservative Cryptography" (Backdoors Fantasies)
Links for the day
EPO Imitates Microsoft: "Three Days or More Per Week" Inside the Office to Get a Desk to Work on; "the Office Breaches Its Promise Towards Staff and Acts in Breach of Its Duty of Care"
The EPO serves no actual function in Europe
Links 15/09/2025: Political Affairs, Censorship, and Copyrights
Links for the day
Gemini Links 15/09/2025: Music Genres, Invisible Networks, and Akademy 2025
Links for the day
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Sunday, September 14, 2025
IRC logs for Sunday, September 14, 2025
Satya's Plan B: Try to Hide the Massive Extent/Scale/Scope of Microsoft Layoffs
fewer people buy Microsoft
Red Hat News About De Facto Mass Layoffs (Bluewashing) Gone From Reddit (Censored by Gatekeepers), Still Online in The Register
With RTOs, PIPs, relocation etc. expect IBM to "shed off" many Red Hatters
UEFI "Secure Boot Doesn’t Play Nice at the Moment"
UEFI "Secure Boot" does not improve security. It's an artificial obstacle in service of monopoly.
Gemini Links 14/09/2025: ROOPHLOCH, Music, and Reddit
Links for the day
If You Want to "make your 'Windows PC' lean, mean, and fast" You Will Install GNU/Linux or Some BSD
That kind of article says a lot about IDG
Slopwatch: Google News Infested With Slop (About Half of the Results for "Linux" Today)
This is the sort of junk one finds when looking for "Linux" in Google News these days
Links 14/09/2025: Ricky Hatton Dies and McDonald's Declares War on Tipping Culture
Links for the day
Links 14/09/2025: Disasters for CEOs Obsessed With Slop and Slop Companies School Like Fish
Links for the day
"Bad Shim Signature" (Microsoft 'Secure' Boot)
"Fresh install not booting"
What Microsoft Garrett and Microsoft Lunduke Have in Common
Similar tactics, different "wings"
Links 14/09/2025: US "Economy Sagging", "Michigan Economy Wobbles From Tariffs"
Links for the day
Gemini Links 14/09/2025: Minimalist Snippet Manager and Omarchy Linux
Links for the day
The Face of the Digital Far Right: Microsoft Lunduke
Microsoft Lunduke is an online extremist that belongs to and panders to the far right
20 Years Later and Academia Isn't the Same
"I never dreamed of being a professor"
'Cancel Culture' by the Right: Microsoft Lunduke Contacts People's Employers Trying to Get Them Fired
Microsoft Lunduke panders to extremists online
"Bad Shim Signature"; So 'Secure' That It Overrides Users' Preferences and Turns Itself Back on (Coercive Measure)
This was a few hours ago
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Saturday, September 13, 2025
IRC logs for Saturday, September 13, 2025