Oracle Announces Immediate Availability of the Ellinux Kernel

Bogus press release, for IMMEDIATE RELEASE

LONDON, England 20-JAN-2008 03:42 AM -- Oracle has formally announced that it is no longer willing to become dependent on third parties. As such, the company has made the decision to fork the Linux kernel and have it optimized for better database performance and adapted to more restrictive licenses. "I am very pleased to share my kernel with a group of trusted partners," said the company's CEO, Larry Ellison. "I could not let my ego be deflated by allowing a guy from Finland to maintain control and therefore Ellinux was born," he continued.

Oracle's acquisition of Hyperion in March 2007 and BEA Systems only days ago provides more pieces with which Oracle hopes to compete against other software giants. The latter acquisition is bound to have a project renamed BEAllison and its new headquarters will be based in a yacht somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Oracle's CEO previously commented on this decision, adding that its purpose was to ensure that Paul Allen's yacht does not remain larger than his private one. Insinuation that this decision was related to Ellison's self-esteemed were dismissed by analysts at IDC, which is a pay-to-say analyst firm whose prime investor is Larry Ellison.

For the full report, please contact Mister Black at IDC, mblack@idc.com

About Oracle

Oracle (NASDAQ: ORCL) is the world's largest enterprise software company. For more information about Oracle visit our Web site at http://www.oracle.com.

Trademarks

Oracle is registered trademark of Oracle Corporation and/or its affiliates. Other names may be trademarks of their respective owners.

---

Shares of Oracle rose 13.4% just minutes after this historical announcement. Linus Torvalds was not available for comment at the time of publishing.