"IT WAS too hard to pretend any longer," stated Microsoft's CFO, who only recently replaced another CTO who was paid millions for his silence. "Basically, we have been faking it," he admitted, "there is not so much money in attaching a tax to machines that could just run GNU/Linux for free."

Mr. Steve Ballmer announced his resignation following this revelation, publicly announcing using a $300,000,000 marketing campaign that the newly-formed Ballmer Foundation will save hungry children and that everyone who resents him for it wants those children dead.

The fate of the remaining 80,000 or so Microsoft employees were not allowed to be approached for a comment; they have all been gathered in a stadium instead, to be given instuructions on how to help Microsoft outlive its former shell by interjecting themselves strategically into competitors.

And in case it's not obvious by now, this post is published on April first. ;-) ⬆