Bonum Certa Men Certa

Private Eye Covers the EPO Scandals, Says EPO Hired 'British Snooping Firm Global Risk Consultants'

Private Eye



Summary: Popular British paper covers the EPO scandals and focuses on revelations from Techrights

FOR THOSE who are not British, Private Eye, to quote Wikipedia, "has been a prominent critic and lampooner of public figures and entities that it deems guilty of any of the sins of incompetence, inefficiency, corruption, pomposity or self-importance and it has established itself as a thorn in the side of the British establishment." It has a circulation of 228,264 people.



We were gratified to have found out that Private Eye, like Belgian TV for instance (also very mainstream, not some niche audience like a publication for technical readers or lawyers), decided to write about EPO abuses. It's not very often that we find articles about these abuses in English, partly because EPO is centered around Holland and Germany (where the languages are different and rarely understood by British journalists).

"I'm not sure if you've seen this," wrote a reader to us, "but Private Eye did a write up of the EPO showing favouritism to Microsoft in its latest issue."

"A bit of a surprising neutral tone from the Eye and the opening line says they "are to be offered preferential treatment". They already have been since April!"

Here is a camera copy of the article.

Patently Odious



We have manually put that into textual form, as follows:

Patently Odious



A HANDFUL of global firms are to be offered preferential treatment by the European Patent Office (EPO) in an effort to improve the "epirit de service" on offer, according to leaked documents reported in German media.

Several of the big technology players have filed complaints against the EPO due to a backlog of hundreds of delayed applications at the office. Microsoft alone has around 600 separate applications in the pipeline and is one of the companies listed to be fast-tracked in the new pilot scheme as the EPO tries to repair its reputation with major applicants.

The EPO is run by the European Patent Organisation, an entity separate to the EU that has a wider membership including Turkey and Switzerland as well as the EU countries. The UK has been a member since 1977. the other companies being offered VIP treatment include Canon, Siemens, Fujitsu, BASF, Bayer, Ericsson, Qualcomm and Philips. The leaked documents suggest that Samsung and Huawei could join them, with other large firms being added if the pilot is successful. Thus Europe's patent officers will be putting US or Far Eastern firms ahead of many European firms when dealing with patents.

Meanwhile, the EPO is in dispute with its own staff over various issues, including the hiring of British snooping firm Global Risk Consultants to investigate allegations of internal bullying and intimidation. There have been protests at the organisation's offices in Munich and The Hague.


We are not sure what they mean by "Global Risk Consultants", perhaps just another name for CRG or some kind of sub-division (or maybe an editorial error). It is described as a "British snooping firm", which isn't the description CRG publicly gives of itself, for obvious reasons. We wrote about CRG in some articles including the ones below.

Comments

Recent Techrights' Posts

Germany, Like Switzerland, Will Dump Microsoft's Proprietary Software and Disservices, Then Dump Windows for GNU/Linux
This impacts not only the Windows revenue; this corrodes any "rents" Microsoft was getting from "subscriptions"
There Are Likely Over a Thousand Internet Relay Chat (IRC) Networks Online, Net Gain of 16 Seen This Month by Andreas Gelhausen's netsplit.de
It's good that they're still tracking that sort of stuff
SLAPP Censorship - Part 194 Out of 200: The Court Needs to Also Look Into Microsoft-Controlled Restricted Boot Advanced by An American (Garrett) to Promote Monopoly and Back Doors Everywhere
Kill switch sold as 'security' is like euthanasia sold as a cure
Linux Kernel Becoming a Slopfest - Part 7 - Infested With or Plagued by Bot-Generated Slop, Committed by Microsofters
Slop is a security threat; even the person committing slop to Linux might not be aware that there's a back/bug door in the code
Edward Snowden Lost His Voice, Then His Leaks Lost Exposure (Access Denied)
When states want to deny people access to some information they have many tools at hand
 
IBM's Anderon Already Smells Like a Fraud and IBM Insiders Heckle the Lies From the Management
Sabine Hossenfelder recently made some videos which explain in simple terms why IBM is lying and has already lied about this for years
Links 23/09/2026: Mass-Surveillance by Clownflare and "Data Centre" Crunch Commences
Links for the day
Same Name/Brand, Not the Same Project/Product
What is Linux becoming?
3 Years Divorced From Americans
Next year we plan to pursue the UK's Court of Appeal
The Register MS Uses Slop About Slop (in Images)
Months ago we caught The Register MS using slop for text as well
SLAPP Censorship - Part 195 Out of 200: Two Years Since Garrett, Graveley and Lozza Worked in Parallel to Censor Techrights
It began in September 2024, shortly after we had sued Garrett
Linux Kernel Becoming a Slopfest - Part 8 - In Conclusion
this can invite more SCO-like problems in the future
Microsoft Shuts Down More Studios, Morale Low, More Mass Layoffs Ahead of Reports
They pretend it's not happening or that it's a lot smaller than it actually is
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Tuesday, September 22, 2026
IRC logs for Tuesday, September 22, 2026
Gemini Links 23/09/2026: Ljubljana, Poetry, and FORTRAN
Links for the day
The EPO's Central Staff Committee (CSC) Shows Job Insecurity at Europe's Second-Largest Institution
Who would want to join a company with such low job security?
There Are Thousands More Microsoft Layoffs (Including Silent Layoffs), Not Hundreds
Microsoft does have layoffs and today is no exception (except Microsoft talks about it)
Gemini Links 22/09/2026: Disability Studies, Slop Boosters, and TkInter
Links for the day
Links 22/09/2026: Flock is Collapsing Amid Mass Backlash and Internet Society Collaborates With the 'Epstein Class' (Trafficking of Women)
Links for the day
Raspberry Pi Has Microsoft Secrets Inside, Now DRM
now we deal with SBCs that have DRM in them, put there for commercial reasons
2 Hours Ago The Register MS Published a Page That Says "AI" 42 Times Because It Was Paid to Do So
Still inflating the bubble for money
Gemini Links 22/09/2026: Scout Night, Cybernetic Capitalism, and Thoughts on Companies Forcing People to Adopt Plagiarism Engines
Links for the day
Links 22/09/2026: "An Arsenal of Surveillance" and Slop Bots Suggest Starting Wars
Links for the day
SLAPP Censorship - Part 193 Out of 200: Breaks GNU and Linux, Tries to Silence Critics, Loses All Money, Looks for Microsoft Allies and Sponsors
The latest emotional knee-jerk reactions serve to confirm what we have long said
Things Will Only Get Better (as We Go Backwards)
It only gets better. If you go back in time.
UK High Court Shows SRA is Totally Useless in Curbing SLAPPs, This Has Impact on Our Reporting on the SRA Next Week
We'll carry on our coverage and soon finish the current series that so we can get on with more time-sensitive ones
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Monday, September 21, 2026
IRC logs for Monday, September 21, 2026
Links 21/09/2026: "Lies of the Hey Hi (AI) Industry" and Solar Power Is Getting Cheap
Links for the day
Gemini Links 21/09/2026: Equinox and Beginner's Guide to Gemini
Links for the day
Links 21/09/2026: "Back On My Bicycle" and American Regime's War on Media Escalates Further
Links for the day
SLAPP Censorship - Part 192 Out of 200: The Hired Guns of Garrett and Graveley Sent Us USB Sticks (One to Me, One to My Wife) Showing Lozza Talking to Garrett About Censoring/Deplatforming Techrights the Same Time Graveley Was Copy-Pasting Garrett's Lawsuit
Next year we plan to bring this matter to the Court of Appeal
Linux Kernel Becoming a Slopfest - Part 6 - Seeing Who Contaminates Linux With Slop (And Also Admits It)
Today we begin looking at some culprits
2026: The Year Galleries Realised the Need to Flag or Cull Slop Images
Society needs to shun slopfarms, people who use LLM slop (for anything at all), companies that use bots (which they dub "agents"), and so-called 'coders' who volley garbage into project and software hubs
Software Freedom Day Celebrated in 5 or 6 Continent
Software Freedom Day (SFD) 2026 was big this year
SLAPP Censorship - Part 191 Out of 200: Garrett, Graveley and Lozza
They talk to and coordinate with one another
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Sunday, September 20, 2026
IRC logs for Sunday, September 20, 2026
Gemini Links 21/09/2026: Digital Hoarder, GTD, Minimalism vs Digital Minimalism, Rejection of LLMs
Links for the day