Bonum Certa Men Certa

EPO Management Discovers Media is Against It

Summary: Downfall of the EPO's management in the form of a video

THE EPO tackled with an epic "Downfall". I made this in a rush, so there are some mistakes in the video, some of which corrected in the transcript beneath (in bold fonts). I could re-render with the corrections, but it would take nearly half an hour.





Transcript:



Journalists are stating to write about our illegitimate activities

It has spread from Dutch and German newspapers to French and English ones

We estimate that it's just a matter of time before we're widely viewed as the Pariah of Europe

And it won't be long before officers come to raid our HQ in Munich

Tell FTI Consulting and Control Risks to get this under control

Sir

Sun King

They couldn't find any legitimate dirt on Els Hardon

They even tried calling her "sniper" but the public isn't buying it

I thought we had enough scapegoats in that judge, Hardon, Weaver, and Brumme

We're losing to that "Mafia"

I thought you told the media there was an armed Nazi

Why did you not obey my order to force the board to sack that bloody judge?

Now my own job is at risk

They told me Control Risks has Stasi contacts in Desa

And that they could sniff out the sources to all these bloggers with the I.U.

My goons are just a bunch of incompetent people incapable of understanding the Streisand Effect

Signing that Control Risks contract was the I.U.'s idea

Now look at all those articles about my horrible track record, I'd never get a job again

How do you think we feel about our own prospects?

Those Control Risks scum are a disgrace and a waste of money

Can't even do an investigation right

I told them we have no dough on the accused, they need to make shit up

Might as well claim that SUEPO is a violent union with knives and forks

All I wanted was my precious Unitary Patent Court for major applicants

But the European public just keeps finding out I'm totally out of my mind

Now I know what Napoleon felt like when he invaded Russia

Instead of viewing me as an heroic President my staff now compares me to Stalin

I never even got a Ph.D. like they did

All I have is some French diploma of a wannabe

But I tried to offer them a corporate occupation of Europe

Amateurs!

Nobody loves me and nobody ever respected me all along

The German people all along knew that I was up to no good

But I still have a plan B

I will cut their pay for each day they protest

I'll drown in my own blood before they force me to obey German law

Elodie, it'll be alright

I don't even know if the Unitary Patent will ever happen

Given all these scandals, nobody will believe a word that I say

Might as well call off the FTI Consulting contract

Europe may keep its autonomy

But guys, don't fool yourselves. I haven't given up on sending boards as far as Berlin.

They're going to pay for not obeying my orders

Let SUEPO vote in a replacement for me


Recent Techrights' Posts

The Free Software Foundation (FSF) Has Un-cancelled the Best People, Just in Time for the Big 4-0
Mr. Oliva should have been there all along (since 2019)
Most "Modern" Technology Makes You Slower and Dumber
Because proprietary software makes you worse off
"What Comes After Free Software?" Wrongly Insinuates We've Reached the Goal (Prison is Not the Goal)
The oil tycoons use similar tactics against environmentalists, giving them fake "wins"
Making More Work Space
I learned the hard way that less is more in circumstances where more means distraction
MAHA is a Lie, Public Officials Never Valued Citizens' Health (They Still Value Private Businesses, Their Sponsors)
Reject demagogues
New Techrights Turns 2
Today starts the third year of the SSG-based Techrights
What Scares Them the Most is Independent News Sites That They Cannot Control and Censor
Wikileaks was a good example of this
If You Don't Control Your Online Platform, Then Someone Else is Controlling You
be (or become) independent
The Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA) Has a Policy on Racism and Sexism
In then future we'll show the misogyny and racial slurs
Links 22/09/2025: Murdochs Might Join Fentanylware (TikTok) 'Investors' (Masters), United Kingdom Recognises Palestinian Statehood
Links for the day
 
The Complaint About Brett Wilson LLP - Part II - UK SLAPPs for Americans, SLAPPs for Profit
Brett Wilson LLP has a track record of this kind
Mayday: Optus emergency calling crisis
Reprinted with permission from Daniel Pocock
Links 23/09/2025: Massive Data Breach, Slop Versus Productivity, and Vista 11 Update Breaks Things Again
Links for the day
Code of Censorship
Extortion is peace
Free Software Foundation (FSF) Has a New Press Kit for the Weekend After Next Weekend (40th Anniversary)
miles better than social [sic] media [sic] quips, moderated by narcissists and oil tycoons.
Microsoft Had Two Waves of Mass Layoffs This Month (That We Know of) and It'll Get Worse for Microsoft Soon
Will the axe fall again by month's end?
Gemini Links 23/09/2025: Happy Equinox, Photronic Arts, and Perception Cognition
Links for the day
Lessons We've Learned After 17 Years of American Hosting
GAFAM is "all-in" with the "Trump agenda"
Back to Normal Now, We Plan to Do More In-Depth Series (or Multi-part Stories)
Articles (or series thereof) that contain philosophy are important to us
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Monday, September 22, 2025
IRC logs for Monday, September 22, 2025
Microsoft Media is Panicking Amid Mass Layoffs Every Month, H-1B Fees, and "Seattle’s Tech Scene in Trouble"
In "late stage Microsoft", copyleft becomes proprietary
The Next Wave of IBM/Red Hat Layoffs Being Discussed Already
Red Hat is sort of disappearing the way Tivoli did
Oracle Started This Year With Slop. Then It Stopped.
Passing fads are like this
Distros That Run on PCs Made 20 Years Ago and Don't Use Systemd
Betas for now
The Complaint About Brett Wilson LLP - Part I - Abusing British Women on Behalf of American Men Who Abuse American Women
Transparency is important to us, so we've decided to make this series
Slopwatch: Google News and the Evident Slopfarm Infestation
This is what people get about Linux when they query Google for Linux
Gemini Links 22/09/2025: Esperanto Music History and Apps For Android
Links for the day
Links 22/09/2025: More American 'Censorship' (Retaliation for Journalism), Cheeto "Might Be Losing His Race Against Time"
Links for the day
The Blob Slop
Give me more words, give me some text
The 50-Pound Note Experiment and the "War on Cash"
Britain is actually seeing a rebound in cash payments, and it's not a temporary phenomenon
Slopwatch: Blaming the Victims for Microsoft's Failures and Plagiarising Phoronix
That's what Google has been reduced to: slop and slopfarms
Links 22/09/2025: Breaches, Windows TCO, and Arrests
Links for the day
Gemini Links 22/09/2025: Rabbit Hole and DeGoogling Fairphone
Links for the day
Links 22/09/2025: Russian War Planes Invade NATO Airspace While Dihydroxyacetone Man Escalates Attack on Free Speech Because of Critics
Links for the day
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Sunday, September 21, 2025
IRC logs for Sunday, September 21, 2025
Links 21/09/2025: "Hey Hi" (Hype) Under Fire, Fakes Identified; Tesla Burns Family
Links for the day
Google's Software is Malware and Malware in Mobile Devices
Originally posted by Rob Musial
Links 20/09/2025: Hegemony Coming to a Close, Luigi Mangione Ruled Not Terrorist
Links for the day
Gemini Links 21/09/2025: "Charlie Kirk Was a Hateful Piece of Shit" and Slop Code Attempted by Microsofter
Links for the day
Over at Tux Machines...
GNU/Linux news for the past day
IRC Proceedings: Saturday, September 20, 2025
IRC logs for Saturday, September 20, 2025